We Didn’t Drink All The Vino: 2005 Italia Uncensored!

Chapter Twelve – Relaxing In The Vineyards

Lucky Day Thirteen – Pooling Our Resources, Why Do Men Have Nipples, The Crown Of Italy And Wearing Costumes In Chianti

We all enjoyed a cappuccino outdoors overlooking the beautiful vineyards and swimming complex surrounding the Il Mulino. It was like we had a posh resort all to ourselves.

Tuscan Tom’s Tours was in full relax mode before hitting the “Big Three”, so after breakfast we headed out by the pool for some reading and sun time.

While the others concentrated on convoluted novels and heady books, I delved into my new book, “Why Do Men Have Nipples?: Hundreds of Questions You’d Only Ask a Doctor After Your Third Martini.” I was very interested in this book since I often have a third martini and never remember my questions. The title alone was longer than most books I read, and the book now shares a prominent spot in the Tom and Tracy guest bathroom.

The day was beautiful, and we were the ONLY people who were enjoying this little slice of Chianti heaven. “Where is everybody?” we thought.

Although we had brought trunks and swimsuits, we quickly adhered to the new Italian terminology of these clothing items.  They were now known as our “swimming costumes,” which it was stated would be apropos for pool activities.

As Kim and I tried to figure out how much the swimming complex had cost, we also realized that if we came back in two years, the price of this place would probably be double. “Still, a good bargain,” we surmised.

We spent a very leisurely morning at the pools, but damned if it wasn’t time for lunch. We hopped in the car and made the 1/2 hour drive to Monteriggioni (hill towns, nothing but hill towns). This town, dubbed “The Crown of Italy”, has some ramparts, a nice piazza, restaurants and a church, the Santa Maria Assunta, where Mary dipped her hand in holy water again. It has a population of 60, who must all work at its restaurants.

We had lunch on the patio of Il Pozzo, which has a very nice and secluded position a little off the main piazza. Tracy and I shared a bottle of Prosecco (we were in a rut, but a good rut), while Kim and Mary went the beer route (although not really a big beer drinker, the beer in Europe is so much better than it is in the U.S. in my opinion).

Lunch was very good, and I had to try the strawberries with shortcake dessert.  No, I really did.

We walked around the ramparts after lunch (like that was going to help take off any weight), Tracy found another cat (she;s good at that).

We strolled around the town to help walk off that strawberry shortcake dessert, and then hopped back in the car.

We easily slipped back into being slugs out by the pool for the remainder of the afternoon (still, nobody else taking advantage of this…amazing!).

Then came my wardrobe (or swimming costume) malfunction. I came out in a sleeveless tank top and stupid hat I had bought for the trip.  Kim was taken aback by the fashion statement I was attempting to make, while the women just laughed at my, uh, costume.

“Dear God, what is that?” Kim said, shielding his eyes like a vampire at dawn. “Now I know what they mean by Ugly American,” he added. I guess I’m glad no other hotel patrons had the opportunity to see my costume.

Another evening of wine on the patio was relaxing (the Lamole di Lamole was delectable), and it was back down to our restaurant for dinner, where we once again sat next to the friendly Canadians.

Dinner was good, the wine delicious and cheap, and, best of all, everyone was happy and grateful for their day of relaxation.

We congratulated ourselves for the find of the trip. If anyone is contemplating staying here, they do have a couple of apartments for families (I think the cost is only 110 euros for an apartment). The menu is in Italian, English and German, and we were told that they do get a steady clientele from both Great Britain and Germany.

A good night’s sleep was needed because tomorrow we were going to drive into Firenze, a place where on previous trips I have nearly killed nuns, bicyclists, street vendors, locals and tourists alike with erratic and dangerous driving, including backing up down a one-way street. Florence, here we come!

Oh yeah, here’s the answer from the book title: “Although females have the mammary glands, we all start out in a similar way in the embryo. During development, the embryo follows a female template until about six weeks, when the male sex chromosome kicks in for a male embryo. The embryo then begins to develop all its male characteristics. Men are thus left with nipples and also with some breast tissue.”

Tom’s Tuscan Tours: Fun AND Informative (By the way, so is the book).

Next: Day Fourteen – Meat Me In Greve, An Interesting Wine Break, Dangerous Drive Into Firenze, We Don’t Want The Irish And The Hostess From Hell